Fuck My Life

Sorry I haven’t been writing much, I have been having bad days again and haven’t been feeling up to writing much. I cut again, last week, but it’s healing up. I think I’m going to add a tattoo over my scars to hide the marks.

I don’t want to go to work tomorrow. I saw my rapist today at a gas station I was meeting a friend at because he was bringing money so that I could pay a bill and get back online. It’s like every memory I had from that night all came rushing back at once. I want to cut tonight and have been fighting the urge all night. I’ve had a friend talking to me but she had to get some sleep. I guess it’s gonna be a long night.

I can’t take the day off tomorrow because I have Friday off and it would look like I’m slacking.

I wish I could just get some relief



Fix You

My friend is okay. He feels guilty though since I was up until 5 am and barely coherent at work today. I told him it’s not his fault. I hope he understands. I think he is beginning to see how much he means to people. I hope he can just keep seeing it.


Rainy Days and Black Parades.

My friend admitted to me today that he tried to commit suicide and that he may have taken more pills tonight. He lives in another state so there is no way that I can help him. I have been crying for the last 2 hours and I can’t feel anything except the giant hole in my heart. Please someone make this pain go away…