Going 200 Miles an Hour Down a Dead End Street

I did something bad today. I had my first cigarette in a year. Smoking has never been much of an addiction to me and i usually only go through about half a pack before I give them away.

I talked to my friend about why I did it and why I seem to have self-destructive tendencies. I told her that I don’t really know but it seems that I take my anger and turn it inwards on myself instead of expressing myself.

I also seem to be able to recognize when I’ve done some thing self-destructive (like cutting or smoking) but only after I’ve done the activity.

I wonder if this may have something to do with my depressed moods lately and  my PTSD. Lately I’ve been having trouble wanting to do anything except lay in bed.

Anyway, time to work more



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