I’ve decided to try to get my first tattoo. I’m so excited about getting it and I think it’s fitting for everything I’ve gone through so far. It is going to be on my wrist and is going to be a open bird cage with birds flying out of it on my left wrist and flying across to my right wrist with the words “Take These Broken Wings and Learn to Fly” around it. My coworker’s tattoo artist is coming into town this weekend so hopefully I will get to start with that one. I found two pictures I am going to take to show him. I like the design of the first one and the cage on the second one. I don’t want it too big so it won’t be a problem in the future when I am looking for a job.
It seems like I have been more depressed lately, regressing back into the old me for the last week or two but today it was like the clouds lifted for now and the anxiety and PTSD are gone. I was even able to talk to my friend (we’ll call him ‘R’) and talk about what happened a little bit and about the things I felt after I was raped. I wasn’t able to go into the details with him yet but I explained it to him like everything I associated with the event was locked away in Pandora’s Box except it was more like a box inside a box inside a box. Each layer is locked and holds something worse than the box before. I’ve been going to therapy, and slowly unlocking each layer, but it is going to take time to get down through the muck where the real demons are. So anyway, I guess that’s a good intro for now. I will keep writing when I can.